Pete & Chasten Buttigieg: An Essential Portrait in Normalcy
That gay small-town mayor, Pete Buttigieg, was able to overtake nationally-known governors and senators in 2020’s Democratic presidential race was probably as surprising to the LGBTQ+ community as it was infuriating to entrenched homophobes. But while his White House bid ended on March 1, 2020, he continues to challenge inequities. His life a lesson in the true meaning of “Freedom.”
“‘Freedom’ means a lot to conservatives,” said Buttigieg during his run, “but they have such a narrow sense of what it means. They think a lot about ‘freedom from’—freedom from government, freedom from regulation—and precious little about ‘freedom to’. ‘Freedom to’ is absolutely something that has to be safeguarded by good government, just as it could be impaired by bad government.”
Now Secretary of Transportation, Buttigieg exercised his “Freedom to adopt” when he announced on Twitter yesterday that he and husband Chasten "are delighted to welcome Penelope Rose and Joseph August Buttigieg to our family." The couple married in 2018; and in a July interview with The Washington Post, Chasten, 32, detailed their experience getting on adoption waiting lists for babies that have been abandoned or surrendered on short notice. But the fact that it took a year —the same timing as many heterosexual couples—belies an unsettling reality.
Just watch the video that went viral during Buttigieg’s run, in which a female supporter asks—after learning he was gay—whether she can change her vote, declaring, “He’d better read the Bible.” It’s a succinct reminder that while great strides in LGBTQ+ rights have been made in the past decade, deep-seated homophobia remains.
Pete and Chasten’s shared narrative continues to both expose and challenge such hate. And when looked at within the larger context of federal and state law, it sheds light on numerous institutional inequities that even the most enlightened American voter may not be aware of:
MARRIAGE EQUALITY: In 2015, the Supreme Court ruled (in Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 US) that the equal protection and due process clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment required states to recognize same-sex marriages. But when Pete and Chasten married in 2018, many states still refused to honor that decision.
The chief justice of Alabama’s Supreme Court has prohibited probate state judges from issuing marriage licenses to gay couples.
A Waco, TX judge was issued a public warning by the state Commission on Judicial Misconduct for her refusal to perform same-sex weddings. When she sued the commission, claiming it violated her religious rights, Texas’ Attorney General refused to defend the state commission in a lawsuit, claiming its actions conflicted with his views of the Constitution.
This time last year, seven states (Iowa, Kansas, Massachusetts, Missouri, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Tennessee) were proposing bills to ensure anti-gay state laws be enforced as written (arguing that not even the U.S. Supreme Court should influence their enforcement).
ADOPTION RIGHTS: In 2003, North Dakota passed a law that allowed faith-based agencies to turn away LGBTQ parents. Virginia, Michigan, Alabama, Kansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Dakota, and Texas followed suit. And bills have been introduced in Tennessee, Arkansas, Colorado, and South Carolina. Some well-established agencies have even chosen to close rather than comply with same-sex equal protection requirements—making placing special needs children with foster or adoptive parents all the more difficult.
WORKPLACE DISCRIMINATION: Yes, Buttigieg’s confirmation as the first openly gay cabinet member made history. But it doesn’t negate the fact that gay or trans workers had little or no recourse if they were fired until June of last year—when the Supreme Court ruled that the Civil Rights Act DOES protect LGBTQ+ workers from discrimination. And until just-cause language replaces at-will employment, bosses in at-will states (of which New York is one) will continue to circumvent laws barring discrimination by citing performance issues, budget cuts, or the “need for a new direction” when showing gay or trans employees the door.
The fact that LGBTQ+ employees had NO federal protection until a year ago may come as a surprise to many—just as the realities of “living black” have done. But #BlackLivesMatter showed us we can’t continue to live in ignorance. And in multiple small ways, Buttigieg’s relative “normalcy” provides an enlightening contrast to the many inequities that still exist—both in the gay community and others.
“A deeply inspiring memoir, especially recommended to young readers grappling with insecurity issues.” —Kirkus Reviews
Too often, opponents accuse gay candidates (and in Obama’s case, black candidates) of pushing some kind of self-serving agenda. When in truth, their personal journeys have left them especially empathetic to others. While answering questions about his views on paid family leave in April 2019, Mayor Pete spoke about wanting to have children. "We're hoping to have a little one soon, so I have a personal stake in this one, too," he said at a rally. "We should have paid parental leave and find a way to have paid leave for anyone who needs caring."
Much of his humanizing on the campaign trail was credited to Chasten—who candidly recounted sexual assault, homelessness, and family estrangement in 2020’s, “I Have Something to Tell You.” The memoir could serve as a “survival handbook” for a generation of gay youth, and is a testament to the couple’s shared desire to “contribute to a kinder, more welcoming America.”
While I’m buoyed by the Buttigiegs’ hard-won happiness, there are many gay men who argue against marriage equality—referring to the infants of same-sex couples as “gaybies” while bristling against the norms of a society that historically rejected them. To them, I say “Live the life you choose.” But it is only when they are legally given the same rights as straight people—AND only when those laws are enforced—that LGBTQ+ Americans will truly be free to do so.