VOTE LIKE A DAD: Reflections on Father’s Day & Our Pending Election
A few weeks ago, we celebrated Father’s Day. But did you know that Father’s Day wasn’t recognized as a national holiday until 1972—fifty-eight years after the origin of Mother’s Day. For much of the last century, dads were just seen as men. But not anymore.
Today, fatherhood has evolved beyond simply “breadwinner” or “disciplinarian,” as a recent Pew Research Center study proves:
Like moms, dads now see parenting as central to their identity (with 57% saying that parenting is extremely important to their identity).
Dads are much more involved in child care, spending an average of eight hours a week (3X the hours spent in 1965).
63% of fathers feel they don’t spend enough time with their kids.
Work-family balance is a challenge for many working fathers, with 48% saying they would prefer to be home with their children (though financial demands prevent it).
Psychological research suggests that fatherly love helps children develop a sense of their place in the world, which helps their social, emotional, and cognitive development. Moreover, children who receive more love from their fathers are less likely to struggle with behavioral or substance abuse problems. Hopefully, these changing expectations of dads will broaden our stereotypes of masculinity, in general. And though they can make it a confusing time to be a father, the fundamentals of fatherhood haven’t changed:
Put your children’s safety, health, happiness and well-being first.
Ensure their basic needs.
Teach by example and mentor.
Regardless of the changing family structure, gender roles, or the definitions of what it means to be a father; regardless of whether you are a member of the more “traditional” family, a divorced or single father; regardless of your economic status or political party affiliation, these pillars of parenthood are universally sacrosanct. A feeling that I hope will be reflected at November’s voting booths.
A 1778 German almanac published in Lancaster, PA was first to call Washington "Des Landes Vater" or "Father of the Country” in print.
EQUATING LEADERS WITH FATHERS. Referring to politicians as father figures began with George Washington—whose critical role during the Revolutionary War, Constitutional Convention, and two terms as the nation’s first President earned him the informal title, "Father of His Country." (A label similar to the Latin phrase “Patres Patriae” or Father of the Fatherland). On November 26, 1777, Henry Knox wrote to Washington stating that, "the People of America look up to you as their Father, and into your hands they entrust their all."
The nation has looked up to presidents ever since. For most kids, the president remains a role model—with many proclaiming they’d like to be president when they grow up. So what happens when kids see Trump behaving in ways they’ve been told they NEVER should. And what do we say when kids defend their misbehavior, saying, “Why not?” President Trump did it!” Do parents condemn the President? Or say the rules don’t apply to him? This quandary forced many parents to shield their children from Trump’s behavior—much like they do other “inappropriate content”—making Trump’s tenure an especially trying one.
CNN’s Van Jones sobbed on air after Biden’s 2020 win, saying “It’s easier to be a dad this morning.”
Just how trying was clear when CNN’s Van Jones sobbed on air after Biden’s 2020 win, saying “It’s easier to be a parent this morning… it’s easier to be a dad.” Easier because Latinos, African-Americans, and Muslims could worry a little less about the “Trump Effect,” in which bans and inflammatory speech emboldened individuals to express their prejudice (often violently). Easier because Jews no longer had to live under a president who refused to condemn neo-Nazi groups while regularly spouting anti-Semitic tropes. Easier because no matter how you voted, you were assured of having a President who models (if nothing else) the kind of behavior we expect from children.
“It’s easier to be a parent this morning… it’s easier to be a dad.
It’s easier to tell your kids telling the truth matters. Character matters.”
My brother Chris—the standard by which I measure all fathers—with his daughters Claire and Kate, and wife, Liz.
WE MUST MODEL THE BEHAVIOUR WE EXPECT FROM CHILDREN. “I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments—when they aren’t trying to teach us,” said Umberto Eco. This was true of my father. And my twin brother, Chris—who has set the standard by which I measure all fathers. “No matter how busy [my Dad] is,” says daughter, Claire, “ he prioritizes time with loved ones and verbalizes how important they are to him. For most people, including myself, it can be difficult to tell people how much you care about them. But at big events or just casual interactions, he makes sure to never let anyone question how much he loves them.”
A good father shows concern for others. Owns up to his mistakes and takes responsibility for his actions. If a father doesn’t want his kids to swear, then he shouldn’t do it in front of them. If he wants his sons to respect women, then he should treat their mother well. “Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice,” said inventor, Charles Kettering. Must we remind candidates that Americans will do the same with them?
“At big events or just casual interactions, he makes sure to never let anyone question how much he loves them.”
Meryl Streep called out an impulse of Trump’s to “Use [his] position to bully others” which lasted far beyond his 4-year term.
THE QUALITIES OF A GOOD FATHER INCLUDE LEADING BY EXAMPLE. The same must go for our leaders. Accepting a Lifetime Achievement Award at 2017’s Golden Globes, Meryl Streep spoke to the dangers of a president exhibiting reprehensible behavior, saying: “There was one performance that sunk its teeth into my heart. Not because it was good. There was nothing good about it. But it was effective. It did its job. It made its intended audience laugh and show their teeth. It was that moment when the person asking to sit in the most respected seat in our country imitated a disabled reporter. Someone that he outranked in privilege, power, and the ability to fight back. It kind of broke my heart… and I still can’t get it out of my head. Because it wasn’t a movie. It was real life. And this instinct to humiliate when it’s modeled in the public platform by someone powerful filters down into everybody’s life ‘cause it gives permission for other people to do the same thing. Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose.”
Her fears proved to be prophetic, with Trump modeling new levels of racism, antisemitism, misogyny, and Islamophobia that made “All men are created equal” a joke. The Talmud says, “When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son.” And it’s not unreasonable to think that the ugly effects of Trump’s lessons will linger for a generation or more.
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VOTE LIKE A DAD. Appealing to voters’ patriotism is a delicate proposition when so many confuse it with nationalism. (One is “When love of your own people comes first”, said Charles de Gaul, the other “When hate of people other than you comes first.”) So I hope that appealing to the “Dad” in those with children will bring more sensible thinking to the voting booth. My use of “Dad” as opposed to “Man” recognizes the sharp divide between how the two are viewed. While our picture of fathers has become increasingly positive, research shows that the stereotype of men as aggressive, unemotional, and sexist hasn’t changed much since the 50s. (And Trump seems bent on embodying it.)
A vote for Trump tells your kids it’s OK to violently silence anyone who disagrees with them. And OK to belittle and badmouth our heroic veterans. Would you screw up your face and jerk your limbs to mock a disabled person in front of your children? Or encourage your sons to “grab a girl’s p_ssy”? If not, then how can you vote for a President who does it happily. And who has promised, if elected again, to do much worse.
This election season is not the time to be a man. It’s the time to be a father. Yes, “fatherhood” today can often feel confusing. But it won’t be on Election Day. On November 5th, voting “Like a Dad”—or “Like a Mom” leaves us with only one option. And whether you’re a parent or not, I hope you’ll choose it.
